lost in my thoughts
by dawdler
Summary: After dinner with jess and logan, rory left with jess leaving her boyfriend alone during the dinner in episode let me hear your balailakas ringing.
1. Chapter 1

Logan couldn't believe it, he suddenly awoke in the middle of night in his resthouse at martha's vineyard He is having the same nightmares since 3 weeks after that day, the day which he is calling now as the ultimate betrayal. He couldn't say, what happened during that dinner, he remembered Colin and Finn prying for info what happened that night in the later days after that day mate,what the hell, why are you being so moppy and gloomy these days?" Finn is shouting in his ear while he is nursing his scotch,but he paid no heed to his barking.  
>"stop it logan, you can't drink like this forever, you are giving finn a run for his money, in alcohol consumption fest, atleast stop drinking for Finn's sake" Colin cried.<br>He is just drinking himself to the oblivion trying to numb his pain,how could she do this to him and is now blaming him for all that happened in the past.  
>Colin's face brightened as if he has just won a lottery ticket and asked him "you screwed up, din't you,<br>she broke with you, now i am understanding everything, her absence and your insufferable attitude"  
>"what did you do?, to break up with her, she is a good addition to our group and you let her out your hands by screwing up,come on what did you do?, and she is not lifting our calls as well, atleast we can do damage control" colin is literally begging, implying that she is the queen of their group.<br>ofcourse they will blame him, because he is known for screwing up. Sinking yatchs, gallivanting around europe and most recently that boat theft with her, even though it was her idea.  
>He is sick of everything, his friends blaming him for the break-up and girls throwing into him realising he broke with needed alone time, time to bring himself up, rebuild his broken walls for his own safety so that no one can barge into his life as her again.<br>So here he is in martha's vineyard trying to enjoy the alone time and having nightmares.  
> <div> 


	2. Chapter 2

Logan is aimlessly walking around the beach, trying to enjoy the view and collecting his thoughts.  
>Now after pondering deeply about her for three days, he came to some conclusions about what happened with her, which were causing him more pain than he had thought.<br>She didn't love him even though she told him she loved pretended to love him, and completely using him like a disposable, like everyother female in the campus but in a different way is very clever hiding her true feelings of him, and used him till she got what she wanted By comprehending this, he couldn't stop tears flowing down his cheeks,because he truly loved her, and still he love Rory, his ace not his ace anymore and anger followed after that her betrayal by leaving him alone in the restaurant and going away with that jackass remembered that night vividly, who would not embarass him since he is eating his girlfriend with his eyes and she is oblivious to his activities like trying to touch her and now since he understood about her who knows maybe she is enjoying his looks and his attempts to flirt with her since she left with him without saying a word back to him.  
>At that time when she is outside talking to him, after dinner outside when he is leaving he thought that he should talk to her about him, but she left with him without even saying goodbye.<br>He waited for her to call later that night, he was sleepless that night just waiting but to no avail.  
>The next day he sneaked past the elder gilmore to enter rory's room and slowly opened her bedroom door and found Rory and that ass making out,they were so indulged in their activities, they didn't even notice heart broke at the site of that he wanted to get angry and shout at them but he couldn't he shouldn't show weakness again with this girl by feeling jealous and slowly closed the door and quickly left going unnoticed. understood that she broke with him, no she dumped him.<p>Here he is walking alone on the beach trying to rebuild his defences, so that he won't fall for anyone blindly again. This is one of the biggest mistakes of his life which made him a wreck. He want to do something stupid to blowoff steam, no these stupid things are the main reason girls are falling for him and the only other option is to throw himself to work like his father, no he vowed himself that he won't become his father he should be his own couple of days in the vineyard had brought a new perspective about his life and the things going on around him. He wanted to do something different not just to blowoff of some steam but in his general life as achieving this he wanted to be alone, he can't do what he wanted by living with his friends and is going to swearoff of parties and women for some time till his defences are properly opened his cellphone and dialed a number "dad". <p>


	3. Chapter 3

Rory's POV

She couldn't believe that Logan was acting like an ass infront of Jess, things were little off between them lately but she couldn't believe that Logan was trying to humiliate Jess, she got really pissed at him.  
>Outside the restaurant "I am sorry Jess, he wasn't like that everyday, things are little off between us lately"<br>"oh! comeon Rory, he is just using you, i can see how he is treating you now, i will never treat you like that Rory, you know that".  
>"i know Jess".<br>"I know everything about your relationship, Luke filled me in, and i can say that may be you got the idea to steal the boat, it was his influence , he is trying to manipulate you Rory by giving indirect hints and he is corrupting is not you Rory bar-hopping and stealing him and come with me to new york for tonight, i will make you forget this creapy night"  
>Rory contemplated Jess's interpretation he is right, she remembered how he made her jump by manipulating he is a bad influence on her and he is responsible for causing a rift between her mother and shouldn't have dropped out of should break up with him.<br>"ok".  
>"good let's go to york".<br>She left without even wanting to look at him.  
>They had enjoyed that night and she invited Jess to her bedroom, suddenly her heart is pounding hard she thought that yesterday was a mistake by leaving Logan alone like that and before she was beginning to thinking more about it, Jess's lips met her's and they were making out, she was feeling guilty and she can't backout now, she needs someone to support her, she can't lose Jess now.<br>She heard her bedroom door click and stopped Jess to look what happened, it was shut and they again started their activities.  
>Her mobile suddenly vibrated and she got a message from Logan "Best of luck".<br>She didn't understand the message and Jess immediately spoke "Rory, talk to your mother and apologise".  
>Her mind suddenly drifted from Logan to her took her cell and dialed a very known number.<br>"mom". 


	4. Chapter 4

Rory went back to her real home in Starshollow and apologised and registered for the fall semester and taking extra courses to graduate in 4 have been back to normal between her and lorelai, slowly they are both mom had been delighted to hear that she had broken up with Logan, she didn't ask any further told about that the disastrous dinner, excluding the leaving with Jess though she is feeling guilty about her running away and breaking up she tried to ignore it. Things have been great now, she is back to Yale and back to her childhood home and to the people of is enjoying every moment of the remaining time with the residents of Starshollow and her one knows accurately about her relationship with Logan in Starshollow.

She fixed things between her grandparents and her grandparents offered her a apartment near Yale, she gladly took it, the apartment that Paris offered is unsecure and its condition is worse than her old home in Starshollow.

She Started her semester a month after the break-up and things have been busy her extra course load and her time at YDN. She is back to her normal relationship with Paris even though they are living in different apartment is very comfy and luxorious, it's too much for her though,but she gladly accepted after seeing the piehole Paris and Doyle living is calling her for a date, but she didn't even have time to go to dates even during the weekends, so she apologised to him for her lack of time. The first few days have been hectic, but now things are slightly normal, she had a date night with Jess on saturday, she is really looking forward to it.

On friday, she is already late for her class and is just taking her coffee from the kiosk and she turned back to move quickly, she hit something hard and spilled her coffee "i am sorry, i didn't see u are hold...ac...Rory"

She knew that voice which she liked, which made her do crazy things which she didn't even imagine she can do in her life time

"Logan".  
> <p>


	5. Chapter 5

"hi! I am sorry. I will buy you another cup".

"Two black coffees please, make it quick"

Logan gave 10 dollar bill to kiosk guy and turned to face Rory and enchanted by her eyes. He didn't expect to see her in Yale and was surprised. First he felt the love for her, how much he liked her eyes and was completely absorbed in her. Then he remembered that dinner and next day at her grandma's house, he felt pain and anger , then he remembered his weekend at Martha's Vineyard, he shouldn't let her get to him and tried to look as much as emotionless as possible.

Rory was absorbed in his beautiful brown eyes, she missed him dammit, now she is feeling the longing to watch logan after a long time. She is able to watch his changing expressions through his eyes as if in slow motion. He looked at her lovingly as always whenever he used to look at her, but suddenly she felt pain in his, followed by anger. She felt guilty about it and anger as well how dare he look angry at her. It was his fault as well not just mine. Then suddenly she met ice, not giving anything completely emotionless. She first spoke

"How are you?".

"Oh! ... I am fine. Came back to Yale ha!".

"Yeah, you know i missed school a lot".

"good"

"I have class, take my coffee as well" Logan lied and quickly turning back and left in the direction of pub. He needed a drink, he didn't expect this and he can't control himself to love her like he used to. He is building his defences and now he felt his resolve weakening.

Rory was suprised that he left. She then felt sad followed by anger, how dare he turn his back on me. She can't be angry at him because she is the one who turned his back first and now she is living the consequences, she has no right to be angry at him. She is feeling guilty that he is feeling so much pain because of her. She took her coffee and ignored her feeling and left for her class.

Rory went to her date the next day with the Jess, it started pretty well, they started discussing about books and it continued till the end of dinner. Talking with Jess is always mainly about literature because he also shares her passion for reading books and she always enjoyed talking with him. But this time even though they discussed and argued about their favourite books she didn't feel the same passion or fire. She then contemplated Jess is her past and couldn't revoke her old feelings towards him. There was no spark, there used to be before. They are walking towards her apartment and out of the blue Jess stopped her and wrapped his arms around her waist and started kissing her. Rory couldn't respond.

"hey! what happened?, I thought you enjoyed it".

"I am sorry Jess I can't. I didn't have the same feelings for you like we used to have before."

"Last time we kissed you didn't even complain."

"At that time my head is so messed up I could have kissed anyone"

"It is about that blond dick isn't. Come on Rory you can't let him control you. I know you wanted me"

"This isn't about him. It's about me just having friendly feelings for you."

"Oh! come on Rory. You always like kissing me."

"You are one who told me it's about me and not about anyone, so stop trying to control me and please leave me alone" She is really getting annoyed and Jess is acting like as ass. They stopped talking and started staring at each other, and what they don't know is that, they are being followed and their discussion is eavesdropped by a certain blond guy.

"So that's it then. Goodbye Rory" Jess left her leaving her alone for musing about her own actions.  
> <p>


	6. Chapter 6

"It's a mistake Jess, I shouldn't have left with you that night" Rory Shouted in the darkness so that Jess may hear her.

"I am sorry for lifting your hopes up that night" She cried again. Having no response she resumed her walk to her apartment.

The next day Logan went to Rory's apartment and rung the bell. To his dismay it was opened by Lorelai, Rory's mother who he assumed hated him the most for ruining her daughter's life last year. His assumptions were justified by Lorelai started yelling at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I... have to talk to Rory, she had my stuff with her" not daring to say clothes which are in her closet in her grandma's house.

"Okay, come in. She is in the bathroom"

He entered inside and sat on the sofa in the hall. The instant he sat on the sofa Lorelai started lecturing him

"Please tell me that you are not back into her life again"

He was surprised by that question, he has no intention to be in her life again,  
>Everyone blaming him for corrupting her, ruining her life,having sex with her no way he is going to be back in her life. Before he can respond to her. She started berating him<p>

"Let's take the inventory of the delightful things that have happened since you waltzed in to my daughter's was arrested, 's on will have a criminal record unless we can get it expunged. She dropped out of school, moved out of my didn't speak to me 5 months, 3 weeks and 16 days. So get anywhere near her life again, if I came to know about it I will rip your head of your body."

What the hell is she thinking, I waltzed into her life?. She is the one who waltzed into my life. She is the one who approached me for LDB event, She is the one who approached him for casual dating, She's the one who gave him an ultimatum about that boyfriend/girlfriend thing, She's the one who gave him an idea to steal the boat. Ofcourse now I understand, whatever bad thing she does they will blame him only because I am a screw-up isn't?. That's what Lorelai thinks, his dad and Rory thinks and everyone as well.  
>It's useless to defend myself, this will prolong her berating and demeaning him. So he just kept quiet and didn't reply.<p>

Lorelai expected him to respond to her ranting, he didn't respond to her. She was surprised by his silence. She too didn't have anything else to say. So she too kept quiet.

Rory heard everything her mother ranted about, she too was shocked that he didn't defend himself. She dressed as quickly as she can and entered the hall.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"I want to talk to you about my stuff left with you"

"Okay, come to this room, we can talk here"

Rory looked at her mother and she was giving death glares at him, and to say the least Logan was completely ignoring her and was looking the other mother gave a questioning look at her , she didn't say anything and lead him to her bedroom and closed the door.

"Okay sorry Rory, I didn't want to interupt you. I just need all my clothes, which are in Richard's house and I left few books as well. I need them back"

"I will bring all your stuff after the next friday night dinner, write down your address and I will bring them back to you" Rory replied him giving him a notepad and pen.

He wrote down the address and replied "Okay that's it then, I am leaving"

He was turning back to leave and curiosity got her and asked "Why didn't you defend yourself?  
>My mother blamed you everything"<p>

He chuckled "Why should I?"

"Because it's not all your fault. I ammm..." Rory was stammering to give him the correct reply.

Logan laughed at her " Oh! come on Rory, you know as well as I do, What happened that night"  
>alluding to dinner with Jess.<p>

*-flashback-*  
>"I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?"<p>

"Again, temporary. Have a drink."

"And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't pull me into this."

"I didn't say anything about you."

"Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying-  
>that's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no."<p>

"It's all we do."

"It's not all we do."

"It's all you do."

"It's my prerogative, you know? You're damn straight. I'm gonna party.  
>I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over."<p>

"Oh, yes,  
>your horrible life- let's hear about have every door open to you.<br>You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me!" Rory screamed at him.

"No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen! Go into journalism! Go into politics! Be a doctor, be a clown! Do whatever you want!" Logan replied at same intensity.  
>"It's not as easy when it's not handed to you."<p>

"Really. It's all so easy for me? I don't want that life! It's forced on me! You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it!  
>I have no choice! You try living without options."<br>"I didn't tell you to quit Yale! You did that! I gave you one month, you went beyond the month and it had nothing to do with me! It was all you! Now, you want to change, change it. But if you feel I am the reason for everything happened to you. Then leave me alone"

"Fine then! I am leaving"

She left him and caught up again with Jess for the second time outside the restaurant

*-End of Flashback-*  
> <p>


End file.
